President Trump Accuses Santa of Helping Biden

 

President Trump Accuses Santa of Helping Biden

CNN – In a rambling and sometimes stunning press conference today, the attorney for President Trump’s efforts to overthrow the US Presidential election Rudolph Giuliani accused Santa Claus and the North Pole of helping Biden win the presidential election.  “It is a sad day for America when one of the most venerable and respected people, who is supposed to be a saint, decides to interfere with US elections.”  Giuliani then went on to suggest that perhaps some claims of Russian interference in the 2016 presidential election unearthed by The Department of Homeland Security and the FBI were really based on North Pole interference instead of Russia.  “If hostile foreign actors did interfere,” said Giuliani, “those actors are far more likely to be from the North Pole than from Russia.”

Giuliani then went on to show a letter written to Santa which he claimed came from one of Nancy Pelosi’s grandchildren which read:

Dear Santa,

Please give me a doctored Dominion voting machine that will flip votes for my Nana’s friend Joe Biden so he can win the election.

According to Giuliani, Louis DeJoy, the Postmaster General found this letter jammed in one of the mail processing machines he is decommissioning.  The jammed letter was partially opened so DeJoy did not feel he was infringing on any law when he read it.  “When this loyal public servant saw what was in the letter,” said Giuliani, “He immediately realized what this meant for the United States and the integrity of our election.”  DeJoy gave the letter directly to Giuliani who turned it over to the FBI after making copies of the letter.

Immediately after Giuliani’s revelations, a Spokeself for the North Pole issued a blunt statement denying any election interference “on the part of Santa Claus, or any other resident of the North Pole.”  The statement also pointed out that if the letter was retrieved when jammed in a mail processing machine, it would have never reached the North Pole and thus this request would never have reached Santa.

Dominion Voting systems, the California based company which makes the controversial voting machines also issued a statement denying any dealings with or direct knowledge of anyone associated with the North Pole. 

In response to the North Pole’s press release, President Trump tweeted: “It doesn’t matter if the letter never reached Claus.  He knows what is in every child’s heart and letters are just a formality.  It doesn’t matter whether kids write to him or not.  We know the North Pole supplied doctored Dominion machines to the swing states.”

Some GOP members from both houses immediately pleaded with the President to modify his tweet.  Senator Lindsey Graham said on Fox News: “Children all across America look forward to writing to Santa.  It is clear the President did not mean they should not write to Santa and perhaps he can clarify his comments.” 

In the aftermath of Giuliani’s press conference and the immediate reactions, a New York Times investigation uncovered the full letter addressed to Santa Claus which indeed claimed to be written by a relative of Congresswoman Pelosi.  We are withholding the identity of that child for reasons of safety and because the child is under-aged.  However, the full text of the letter reveals a much more sinister origin.  According to the New York Times, there is strong evidence to suggest that Donald Trump, or someone closely connected to the President, actually wrote the letter.  The Times also suggests that the letter Giuliani displayed was not the original, but that the original had in fact reached the North Pole and that Santa Claus himself sent a strongly worded message to the President telling him to stop impersonating a good child.  According to the Times, Santa’s strongly worded message reads in part: “Although you often act like a child, you are not one, and you certainly never act like a good child.  And when you were a child you were never that good in the first place.  I only gave you presents because, as I told Oprah Winfrey a number of years ago [see 2013 interview with Oprah Winfrey, I relaxed the naughty and nice criteria for children.”

CNN reached out to the Department of Homeland Security which confirmed that a message had in fact been received from the North Pole, and while the Department of Homeland Security could not trace the originating IP (they have been trying to locate Santa Claus’ North Pole base since the Obama administration), the statement contained unmistakable identifying characteristics which left no doubt it came from Santa Claus himself.

The New York Times printed the entire letter and has given CNN permission to reproduce it so Americans can decide whether Donald Trump himself wrote the letter and tried to pretend it was a relative of Nancy Pelosi.

Dear Santa,

I have been a good child all year.  In fact, I have been the most good child in history.  It’s unbelievable how good I am.

Please give me a doctored Dominion voting machine that will flip votes for my Nana’s friend Joe Biden so he can win the election.

You see what I really want for Christmas is for officials, legislatures, and Supreme Court Justices to have the wisdom and courage to stand up for America and I know such a doctored machine as this will help them find such wisdom and courage.

White House press secretary Kayleigh McEnany called the New York Times story: “another lie spawned by the left-wing media.  Everyone knows Santa does not exist.  Why would the President write to someone who does not exist?”

Even Fox News cut McEnany’s conference short after this.  Tucker Carlson went so far as to say: “If any children watched this, please note that Kayleigh was upset at all the constant attacks against the President and did not mean what she said about Santa Claus.  I, along with Fox News, know that Santa Claus does exist. And that he will deliver presents on Christmas as he has done for centuries.”

CNN can also confirm that some officials at the Department of Homeland Security have been called directly by President Trump and threatened with their jobs if they do not retract their confirmation of the statement sent by Santa Claus to the President.  CNN uses only the most reliable sources and sticks by its story.

NOTE: Oprah Winfrey’s interview with Santa Claus can be found here.

https://marcbreault.blogspot.com/search?q=Oprah Winfrey