US Election Genesis Story

 

In the beginning, Joe Biden won the Presidential election and darkness covered the GOP and the spirit of lying hovered over their hearts.  Then the GOP said “There has been fraud let us check for and remove all illegal ballots.”  And so the states checked and rechecked and found their were no illegal ballots and level-headed Americans saw that the election officials were good.  That was the first GOP lie. 

 Then the GOP said: “There is fraud, let us recount anyway and the fraud shall be revealed.”  And so the election officials recounted by hand, they recounted by machine.  They recounted by hand and by machine and much of this was at taxpayer expense.  And the election officials found that the vote tally did not change significantly and after all those recounts, Joe Biden still won the Presidential election.  And level-headed Americans saw this was good.  This was the second GOP lie. 

 Then the GOP said:  “There is fraud, let us mount legal challenges for the lower courts will side with us because we made sure lots of conservative judges were appointed by us and we have mounds of evidence.”  And so nearly 70 lawsuits were filed and briefs were submitted, and the judges sat down and heard these cases.  And the judges saw no evidence to back up GOP claims and threw every single lawsuit out.  Level-headed Americans saw this was good.  This was the third GOP lie. 

 Then the GOP said:  “There is fraud.  Let us appeal all of the lower court cases we lost and we shall prevail because we always tell the truth and we go to church every Sunday and we pray to God and sing his praises.”  And so every lost lawsuit was appealed and appellate judges sat down and heard every appeal.  And the judges dismissed every single appeal on the same grounds as their lower court colleagues did, and some judges did issue blistering rebukes to the GOP for bringing nonsense to the courts.  And level-headed Americans saw this was good.  This was the fourth GOP  lie.

 Then President Trump backed by the GOP said:  “There is fraud.  Let us pressure state election officials to delay certification of their elections so that they may throw out all the votes for Biden.  And let us call upon all GOP controlled state legislatures to submit alternative electors who will vote for me just in case I cannot delay the certifications”  And so it was that the President called, and he did twitter, and he did beg, and plead, and called again, and twittered again to put pressure on officials.  He also castigated them and supported death threats against them.  But all of the election officials, and governors, including GOP election officials and governors held to the law and were not moved and all 50 states plus the District of Columbia did certify their elections and submit them to congress.  Level-headed Americans saw this was good.  This was the fifth GOP lie.

 Then the GOP said:  “There is fraud.  Let us make misinformation and conspiracy theories fruitful and multiply and mix these with false statistics and let us file two lawsuits to the Supreme Court for they shall surely vindicate our fraud claims.”  And so misinformation and conspiracy theories were fruitful and multiplied and spread all across the land, and these were put into briefs to the Supreme Court with Pennsylvania and Texas as their center and the President said:  “This is the big one.”  And the Supreme Court looked at the Pennsylvania lawsuit, and they looked at the Texas lawsuit, and knew they were evil and unconstitutional and refused to even hear these cases, and threw them out thus ending legal challenges once and for all.  Level-headed Americans saw this was good.  This was the sixth GOP lie.

 And in the seventh phase, the GOP saw all they had done and said:  “This is a freaking shambles.”  Some in the GOP said, let us now rest and accept that Joe Biden will be the 46^th President, but others said: “let us fight this in congress in hopes that we overturn the election because we care not for democracy, nor care we for the rule of law, and even though we have said there is fraud we have submitted know proof but we wish to overturn the election anyway.”  And level-headed Americans said:  “Hey you idiots, even God had the sense to rest on the seventh day.  After your six lies have come and gone, and since you go to church and claim to worship God, follow his example, shut up, and rest from all your lies.  That will be the first good thing you have done in four years.”