Trump Accuses Santa of Favoring China in Current Trade Dispute

Trump Accuses Santa of Favoring China in Current Trade Dispute

WASHINGTON DC (AP) – President Trump sparked controversy yesterday when he tweeted that Santa Claus was favoring China with regard to the current trade dispute between China and the United States.  The dispute began when President Trump imposed tariffs on some Chinese goods.  China retaliated which caused the President to impose still more tariffs on the Middle Kingdom.  Canada’s arrest of Huawei Chief Financial Officer Meng Wanzhou has certainly not helped matters, especially if she is extradited to the United States.  Given increased tensions in the South China Sea in addition to the trade dispute, relations between the US and China are at an all time low.

Last week rumors circulated that the Chinese Government secretly approached Santa Claus to see if he could help broker Wanzhou’s release given the close proximity between Canada and the North Pole.  China hoped Santa could broker a diplomatic solution to the arrest before matters escalated.  It has been a matter of speculation for years that the North Pole has a special relationship with both Canada and Finland and that the three powers exchange more than just Christmas pleasantries.  To date, however, neither Canada, Finland, or the North Pole has ever commented on this speculation, let alone confirmed its validity.

The initial reaction to President Trump’s tweet was that the President was confirming China’s secret appeal to Canada.  However later, as Trump exited Air Force One on his way to another political rally, Trump clarified his comments.  “I am not aware of any secret appeal to Canada,” Trump said, “My tweet deals with the massive dumping of Chinese made toys to American children that happens each Christmas because the Chinese and Claus have been working together for decades to undermine our economy.”  When a Fox News reporter asked trump if he believed elves making all the toys was simply a North Pole cover story, the President quipped:  “Of course elves make some of the toys but there is no way they can make all of those toys.”

It should be noted that as the population has grown, so too has the number of children.  No one has seen any population data on elves, but neither has anyone seen any evidence that the population of elves has increased, leaving many to wonder how the North Pole keeps up with the ever increasing demand.

In 2010 the North Pole Alliance, centered in Minneapolis Minnesota was formed as a North Pole apologist group in the wake of rising tensions between the US and the North Pole.  The alliance has long maintained that magic can account for how Santa deals with the increasing population of children.  But even the most loyal NPA members admit they have no idea how or why the magic works.  Meanwhile a number of New Atheists have been outspoken in their denial of magic’s existence, although none have so far denied the existence of Santa Claus himself because of overwhelming evidence of his reality.

In response to President Trump’s tweet, and subsequent comments, the North Pole released a statement saying, in part:  “The idea that we give Chinese made goods to children is absurd.  There is no indication on any Christmas present that China had anything to do with the present so there is therefore no marketing benefit China gains.  It is also important to consider that if children get a toy from Santa, their parents do not need to purchase that toy. The North Pole reminds everyone of the long running lawsuit between a number of retail manufacturers and the North Pole over this very issue.  Although the lawsuit was eventually dismissed after dragging on for a number of years, fundamental marketing principles dictate that free Chinese toys to millions of children worldwide cannot in any way benefit China.  The North Pole therefore flatly denies any arrangements of this kind between the North Pole and China.”

In an ironic use of wording, the North Pole went on to call Trump’s comments fake news.  Obviously, the North Pole does pay attention to world events after all.

Meanwhile the Canadian government remains steadfast in its handling of the Wanzhou controversy insisting that all normal legal and diplomatic processes will be observed.  The fact Wanzhou still remains in custody seems to indicate that if China did appeal to Santa Claus, that appeal has been rejected.  China has warned of “serious consequences” against Canada.

For now, however, it appears that Christmas, at least, will come and go as it has done for hundreds of years.  Children will continue to get free presents.  This will continue to upset a number of corporations, and governments around the world will continue to attempt to enlist the help of Santa Claus to solve diplomatic and public relations crises.  In the light of this, we should all endeavor to say ho-ho-ho to global politics, at least for a few days, and enjoy the holiday season.